So I went to the eye doctor this month. And he laughed at me. Again.
My eye doctor is several things, but funny is not one I would think to label him with. A close-sitter? Yes. Efficient? Yes. Able to remember if he’s on “Two? Or three?” or if he’s on “Six? Or seven?” Yep. Comfortable putting his fingers in other people’s eyes? Certainly. But every time I visit him, he feels like laughing the day away.
At me.
Because I want to see, okay?
I want to see the things that are close to me. Sometimes, with uncorrected vision, I can see my own face in the mirror. But I’m usually close enough to leave a smudge on said mirror when that happens. I remember being able to read a book with my glasses off. But that hasn’t happened for more than two decades. Oh, mercy. I am OLDing.
I also want to see the things that are far away from me. Like the cars on the road, or the clouds over my mountain. 
That mountain? That is the actual view out of my actual kitchen window. Except I actually stole this from google images (in fact, I wonder if that photo was taken from my actual lot). And the reality is much… bigger. But that is a beautiful snowy sunrise from here in the Frozen Mountaintops, and I love this mountain. Love it. If you have never felt an emotional attachment to a pile of rocks, you’ve never seen the sun rise on Mount Timpanogos. When I have days where I wonder, “Why do I live here?” I almost always answer with some form of praise for this mountain. It sings to me. It does.
But also, I want to be able to see it. Forever. With my eyes. Which are getting worse as I get old. See that problem? When I tell Dr. Eye Guy that I want to see the computer and also my mountain, he laughs at me. Ha, ha.
You can see the computer, says Dr. Eye Guy, or you can see the mountain. Take-a you pick. Except also, Dr. Eye Guy isn’t using a bad Italian gangster accent. That’s just in my head. And the thing is, I don’t want to take-a my pick. I want it all. All at once.
Once upon a college time, a very wise and dear man said in my hearing, “You can have it all. You just can’t have it all at once.” I felt those words sink deep. Know that feeling? It’s a good one. The words sank. Deep. And they felt very personal. As though, maybe, the other 21,000 people listening were just there for effect. And that it wasn’t him speaking, so much as it was God, telling ME that I could have it all, if I was patient, and careful, and watchful. And I’ve never doubted it. And I’ve always treasured it. And I’ve never questioned it.Until I turned 37 and 1/2 this week. And now all of a sudden I’m greedy and anxious and needy and demanding.
I want it all. All at once. Now, in particular. And when it comes to my eyesight in more particular.
There’s just no pleasing some people.
(18) Comments for this blog
Your eyes are beautiful. And now you want them to SEE too?? You silly girl. 🙂 I kind of understand, but I mostly want my 20-year whole body back, but the wise old man’s advice IS wise and it makes me realize how full a single life can be. … just not all at once.
p.s. I just got a call back from Natalie’s doctor and all her tests were NORMAL. Thank your for your kind thoughts and prayers.
Your eyes are beautiful. And now you want them to SEE too?? You silly girl. 🙂 I kind of understand, but I mostly want my 20-year whole body back, but the wise old man’s advice IS wise and it makes me realize how full a single life can be. … just not all at once.
p.s. I just got a call back from Natalie’s doctor and all her tests were NORMAL. Thank your for your kind thoughts and prayers.
I’m greedy too. I want a lung that works without having to be on antibiotics at all times. I’m so selfish, huh?
I’m greedy too. I want a lung that works without having to be on antibiotics at all times. I’m so selfish, huh?
I’ve always liked this quote from Lauren Bacall: “You can’t have it all. Where would you put it?”
But I like the wise and dear man’s advice much better. I’m okay with not having it all at once. Where would I put it?
I’ve always liked this quote from Lauren Bacall: “You can’t have it all. Where would you put it?”
But I like the wise and dear man’s advice much better. I’m okay with not having it all at once. Where would I put it?
Yeah. Poor Marc has something like 900/20 and 850/20 in each of his eyes. When he takes off his glasses, he can me see very clearly at about half an inch away.
I’m enjoying the time I have left with my 20/20. Sorry for your loss. 😉
Yeah. Poor Marc has something like 900/20 and 850/20 in each of his eyes. When he takes off his glasses, he can me see very clearly at about half an inch away.
I’m enjoying the time I have left with my 20/20. Sorry for your loss. 😉
The year I turned 40, I got braces and bifocals. The true definition of ‘middle aged.’ And it sounds like you’re headed for at least one of those little helpers!
The year I turned 40, I got braces and bifocals. The true definition of ‘middle aged.’ And it sounds like you’re headed for at least one of those little helpers!
DeNae stole my suggestion. They have some pretty spiffy bifocals available now, yes?
My mum needed them when she hit forty but refused to get them till she was fifty because they were for “old people.”
And if you want a second opinion, I totally know a guy…
DeNae stole my suggestion. They have some pretty spiffy bifocals available now, yes?
My mum needed them when she hit forty but refused to get them till she was fifty because they were for “old people.”
And if you want a second opinion, I totally know a guy…
I find myself squinting now and it makes me sad every time.
I find myself squinting now and it makes me sad every time.
The up close thing is what gets me. I am fine with cars and mountains, but reading and writing. Ugh
That eye doctor of your just needs to make it all happen for you. Come on, man!
The up close thing is what gets me. I am fine with cars and mountains, but reading and writing. Ugh
That eye doctor of your just needs to make it all happen for you. Come on, man!
I know exactly! My vision was so good for so long and it has been the hardest thing for me to accept that it stinks now. And I always tell my eye doctor that I will live with wrinkles, I just want my young eyes back. He laughs too. They are an evil profession!
I know exactly! My vision was so good for so long and it has been the hardest thing for me to accept that it stinks now. And I always tell my eye doctor that I will live with wrinkles, I just want my young eyes back. He laughs too. They are an evil profession!