I’ve read quite a bit lately about this phenomenon of thinking – and I’m way too lazy to link to any of it. Sorry. A little.
But here’s the Becca version-distillation of the thing – some people live in the “If Only” world. If only I were lovely. If only I were brilliant. If only my 1,000 words a day didn’t completely fail. If only my manuscript were finished. If only an agent would send me a PERSONALIZED rejection. If only an agent would fall at my feet and beg to represent me. If only my book would be published. If only copies of my book would sell. If only my book won awards. If only I’d been the one to fill that red-hot Post-Apocalyptic Zombie Mermaids niche.
There’s nothing wrong with dreaming. But do you see the negativity at work in those thoughts? My friend Pat would say, “You need to come from a place of thankfulness.”
So here’s my flip-side, my perverse thankfulness – the “At Least” world. At least I can see my computer screen (usually). At least I have fingers to type with. At least my 1,000 words are coming (even if they’re c-r-a-p). At least I’m cute. At least I have published things. At least someone likes those published things. At least there are still some ideas floating around in my head.
There’s nothing wrong with complacency either (heaven forbid I ever knock the complacency), but hey – wow. That’s all pretty negative, too.
So where do I find my place? What do I need to think about, when I find myself spiraling into the “If Only” or the “At Least” worlds?
I try this: I try to say, Yea, me. Yea, me for writing 1,000 words yesterday, and 500 so far this morning. Yea, me for trying. Yea, me, for finding time to read a little (a very little, lately, but still a little). Yea, me, for going teaching. Yea, me, for being a team player. Yea, me, for making dinner every night. Yea, me, for answering my email*. Yea, me for being on top of the laundry pile. (See it? Right there under my chair? Oh, come on. That was a joke.) Yea, me for working on a story that could be harder and bigger and better than anything I’ve tried before. Yea, me for pushing.
See the difference? If Only and At Least compare me to some outer standard. Some uncontrollable “other” – and I will always find myself feeling icky with the comparison. But Yea, Me? That’s personal. That’s intrinsic. That’s mine. And if it’s not 100% sincere? At least I’m trying. If only I always meant it…
*If you’re waiting for a response, resend your email. Because I’m totally all over answering the ones I’ve gotten.
(8) Comments for this blog
Oh, Becca, I love reading your words, your posts, your thoughts, your books! Yeah, Becca! My mantra is “Just One Thing”. If only I can get just one thing done today. It may just be a trip to the store for milk. Then at the end of the day if I get two or twenty things done, I’m always happily surprised!
Oh, Becca, I love reading your words, your posts, your thoughts, your books! Yeah, Becca! My mantra is “Just One Thing”. If only I can get just one thing done today. It may just be a trip to the store for milk. Then at the end of the day if I get two or twenty things done, I’m always happily surprised!
I’m an “at least” girl, too. It makes me happier. And it probably explains why we’re friends. 🙂
I’m an “at least” girl, too. It makes me happier. And it probably explains why we’re friends. 🙂
I love this post. It makes a lot of sense. I like that. At least is a good motto.
I love this post. It makes a lot of sense. I like that. At least is a good motto.
Genius.
And I needed to read a post like this today.
Genius.
And I needed to read a post like this today.