I did a fun event this weekend – at the lovely Purple Cow bookshop. Loads of cute families, and even one of my favorite families from Many Years Back! The crowd was delightful, and the women who work that shop LOVE their books and the kids who read them. Thanks, Isa, for having me! *Sigh* It was lovely.
And something funny happened.
By funny, I mean… odd. Strange. Well, I’ll just tell you.
This really nice lady who was there being an author talked about being a young girl and wanting to write. What she loved was Historical Romance. Swoony period stuff. She was so excited to write and share that she took a manuscript to her grandmother. She was in sixth grade. The writer. Not the grandma. So her grandma read over her work and said to her, “Why in the world are you writing this kind of trash?” I know, right? Heartbreaking, soul-crushing, disastrous. But what this woman learned (eventually, I’m guessing) is that you can’t listen to critics. Criticism kills. I’m totally with her at this point. Nodding my head and everything.
Then.
She introduced her daughter, also working at being a writer. And she said that this daughter (maybe she was in High school, at least that’s how old she looked to me) is really into paranormal romance. Actually, she said “vampire love fiction” and she said it with a Very Noisy Sneer in her voice. And then she actually said, “I hate that stuff. Hate it. I won’t read what she’s writing.”
And didn’t even seem to sense the irony.
Part of me wanted to laugh. Because, duh. She is her own grandmother. But another, bigger, maybe more sensitive part of me said, wow. That is so, so sad. She has no idea what she is doing. She has no idea that she is criticizing a whole genre, and more importantly, a very important person (hello, her own child!) for participating in it. She sneered at her for reading it. For writing it. I had to sit on my hands to keep myself from walking over to that daughter and saying, “Hey, guess what. Lots of people like the thing you do. And maybe it’s a phase. But write it anyway if it’s in your head and in your heart, because maybe you’ll come out of this phase a better writer than you went into it, and someone (even if it isn’t your mom) will read and like some of the work you do.”
But of course, I didn’t say any of it, and that’s probably because it’s none of my business. But hey, writers? If you’re writing something someone thinks is dumb, or overdone, or lame, or copy-catty, or fluffy, or too pop-u-lar, here’s what to remember.
1. Writing (writing anything) makes you a better writer. Write. Write. Write.
2. Criticism kills. Don’t let it kill your important relationships.
3. If you love it, write it. Because nobody else’s love is going to validate your writing like your own love will.
End of lecture. But I just have to wonder, what am I doing that I totally miss on a regular basis? What deep ironies of my character are invisible in the mirror?
(6) Comments for this blog
I’ll be the first commenter here. That is really sad. I actually sighed, a sad sigh, when I read it. I kind of wish you had said something to the daughter, but since you didn’t (and I’m not criticizing you because I’m sure if I were you I would have said nothing)I hope she figures it out.
When I first started writing everyone, but my husband, looked at me like I was nuts. Some of them still do. I see it in their eyes when I tell them that I’ve written a book and I’m trying to get it published. But I’ve learned not to listen to them. I hold on to the positive things that I’ve been told about my story, by those who have actually read it. My husband actually cried real tears(and that’s only happened a handful of times in the last eleven years we’ve been married–like when babies were born or someone died) when I read him my book. He said to me, “They’re crazy if they don’t want your book. ” Crazy! And my husband isn’t a big complimenter, nor does he say things he doesn’t mean. So I know I can trust him. I hold on to that.
I hope someone does that for that girl who loves vampire romance.
That is really sad. I can’t believe the mother didn’t see it.
I had many years when I didn’t think I would be a good writer, so I didn’t do it. It wasn’t until I finally believed in myself that I took the leap.
Great post Becca.
Tragic.
I have a person like that in my life. She’s embarrassed to admit that she actually read Twilight and LIKED it. She likes to tell me what my chances are of becoming a successful writer. She’s wrong, because I’ve written many stories. So I’m already successful.
But when my story gets accepted for publication, she will be the first person I point to and say “HA!”
Not that I like to rub things in people’s faces…
First, I didn’t realize that you had migrated your blog over to the new website too so I apologize for not commenting lately. Now I know and I put this in the feed reader so I’ll be a more regular visitor.
Secondly, yes, that’s a sad irony (as much as I dislike vampire fiction). But true writers are bred in the bone, I think, and if this girl has it in her to tell stories, she will. Even if it takes her until past age 30 to really settle down to it like it took me, she’ll get to it because it’s just a part of us to do that. I’m not sure I really believe that someone who is compelled to write can really ignore that, even when the critics (or mothers who should know better) howl.
Wow, that is some serious irony, and so, so sad! Someday that mom is going to look back and realize what she did to her own daughter, without thinking about it. I was very lucky in having a ton of family support. If any of them thought it wouldn’t go anywhere, they kept that thought to themselves and supported my desire to write. Of course my early stuff stank worse than… hmmm, I’m not sure I want to gross people out with what I was going to write. Let’s just say they stank very, very badly. Hard work, determination, and lots of copy that will never see the light of day again got me to a contract. Hopefully this young writer won’t let it get her down!
Oh. My. I can see why you had trouble minding your business. That’s the sort of thing I’d love to find a way to MAKE my business.
My mum read a paranormal short story I wrote and had published online once. She didn’t like it. Not her style of thing at all. But she praised me to the skies for elements in my writing she did like, and for having the courage to put myself out there. That, is what that mother should be doing. So sad indeed!