Main Character: Becca? Bec? Are you there?
Becca: What? Huh? Yeah, I’m here, but I have to get these dishes done. Leave me alone.
MC: “Leave me alone,” she says? Oh, sure. She’s a pro at “Leave me alone.”
B: What are you talking about? And who else are you talking to?
MC: I’m not sure you’re hearing me.
B: Of course I’m hearing you. Which is bizarre. And I think about you all the time. Day and night.
MC: (*snort*)
B: No, really. I’m … pondering your story.
MC: That’s code for “Not Writing It.”
B: Shut up, you.
MC: (Wailing piteously) You’ve abandoned me!
B: I never. I’m just busy.
MC: (*sniffle*) Too busy to help me out?
B: Help you out? Of what?
MC: You’re kidding, right? Tell me you’re kidding. Hello? Have you forgotten? You left me being chased by a demon magpie.
B: Heh. Oh, yeah. That was scary. Cool.
MC: (with an audible eye-roll) You’re so right. It’s cool. WILL YOU GET BACK IN HERE AND GET ME OUT OF THIS?
B: Don’t worry. I know what happens next. You’ll be fine. The cuts will heal. Scarring, minimal.
MC: SCARRING? Are you kidding me?
B: Man up, why don’t you.
MC: Hello? I’m a girl.
B: Right. A fictional one. Now leave me alone so I can eat my breakfast.
MC: Not likely. Look out the window. At any time of day. See those huge birds? With the wicked glint of blue in their huge black wings? Those white chests hiding all manner of ill intent? Those magpies? See them? Prepare for the worst. Imma summon the collective evil magpie contingent and sic them all on you. Remember Hitchcock’s birds?
B: Shudder.
MC: Kids’ stuff.
B: Look. I get it. I’ll come back, I will. But I have some other commitments, see? I have to be a few places. I promised to…
MC: To what?
B: (*clearing the throat*)
MC: Say it.
B: … to help some people.
MC: What kind of people?
B: Nice people.
MC: That isn’t what you were going to say.
B: Sure it is. Great people. Good people. Some of my people.
MC: Real people? Is that it? You promised to help some living, breathing, actual people? Ones who are 3-dimensional? Who have lungs and fingers and hair follicles?
B: Are you kidding me? I didn’t raise you to act like this. Quit whining.
MC: What? You didn’t raise me to act like this? You didn’t raise me at all. You got me halfway through adolescence and then left me in the clutches of A DEMON MAGPIE.
(beat)
You disgust me.
B: C’mere. (pet, pet) Sweetie, don’t worry. I’ll be back.
MC: Don’t “sweetie” me. (*sigh*) (sinking into Becca’s shoulder, resigned to comfort)
B: (In a gentle whisper) That’s it. We’ll be all right. Trust me. I’ll save you. And it will be a grand adventure. Because you deserve it. And remember, love… I brought you into this world, and I can delete you out at any moment. So watch your back.
MC: Yup.
(12) Comments for this blog
Ha! What the heck are you writing?
Ha! What the heck are you writing?
This post? Genius. No other word will do.
And I must read this book, and meet this hilarious MC of yours. Get writing!
This post? Genius. No other word will do.
And I must read this book, and meet this hilarious MC of yours. Get writing!
Too cute! Love the conversations that we all have every day:)
Too cute! Love the conversations that we all have every day:)
Super funny post. I could have easily substituted a few of my impatient characters in here.
Super funny post. I could have easily substituted a few of my impatient characters in here.
I love the Bill Cosby, “I brought you into this world” comment! You are one clever girl!
I love the Bill Cosby, “I brought you into this world” comment! You are one clever girl!
This reminds me of that story “Six characters in search of an author.” My poor MC is in two places at once because I wrote the ending in hopes of jumpstarting the middle! You never heard such whining!
This reminds me of that story “Six characters in search of an author.” My poor MC is in two places at once because I wrote the ending in hopes of jumpstarting the middle! You never heard such whining!