Okay. Remember that Springtime I’ve been waiting for? It is coming. Coldly, but coming. And it’s bringing with it an unexpected bonus.
That’s right, friends. I have a skunk. It’s decided that it wants to live here. At my home. Behind/beneath my little shed, to be exact. I have a tenant, except it doesn’t pay rent. I guess that means I have a squatter.
I’m a little afraid of my squatter.
Or of ever, ever retrieving my lawnmower. Ever again.
Here’s how it happened. So I was chatting with my cute family in the pre-soccer-game morning, and I looked out the glass door and saw a really fat cat. Or not. I said, “Hey, guys. Look at that. Please don’t bang on the glass, because there’s a skunk traveling through our backyard.” (See what an optimist I am?) I told them this was pretty cool, because all my scientific research points to skunks being nocturnal. (All that research based on me thinking I’ve probably never hit one crossing the road during the day.) We watched it scratch at some dead grassy weeds that grew up a lilac bush, and I said, hey, isn’t that nice, since I’m so bad at weeding that patch. Then we watched it sort of curl the dry weeds under its chin parts and scoot backwards along the line of lilacs. About this point, knowledge started to dawn. The kind of knowledge that says, “if that thing doesn’t reemerge on the other side of your shed, you’ve got some issues on your hands.”
It didn’t reemerge on the other side of the shed. In fact, it twiddled its thumbs for a few seconds and then came back from the same side of the shed, did its little scratch-and-drag dance again, and scooted back to the shed.
NOTE: I’m watching this all from the kitchen and mudroom windows, because it would take some kind of serious to get me outside at this point.
I called animal control. Want to know how that turned out? I got a recording. For the Police Station. Saying, “If you’ve called us during our regular office hours, seven a.m. through seven p.m. Monday through Thursday, we’re either helping someone else or on our lunch break.” 7 to 7? At the police station? Monday through Thursday?
Um, okay. Do you know what I’m dealing with here?
So we just watched some more.
As it rolled its little snuggly bed parts under my shed. And called the moving van over and unloaded its furniture.
And then that other kind of knowledge started to dawn. The kind of knowledge that says, “if it’s spring and that guy is moving in, chances are it’s not a guy at all. Pretty soon you’re going to have a whole skunky family on your hands.”
Oh, goody. I’ve got a pregnant squatter with a loaded gun sleeping under my shed. Kid 4 has named her “El Mustachio Grande.” Because, why not? Welcome, Spring. I’ve been skunked.
(All images from Google. Because if you think I’m going out there and aiming any kind of electronics at that thing, you don’t know me at ALL.)
(7) Comments for this blog
That’s too funny and cute 🙂 My sister had the same problem last year – and yes they had 4 babies. They waited them out because, like you no one wanted to go out and deal with her. Then they researched how to protect the underside of their shed for this year. I haven’t heard any stories yet 🙂
Good luck! and enjoy your new family 🙂
GAAAAAAAAH! I see nothing cute about this story! Do you realize what this means?? Your kids have an excuse to NOT mow the lawn all summer! Becca, this is unacceptable. You stand at that mud room window and holler, “Go away, skunk!” until she goes away. That should do it.
True story: We almost Almost had a pet skunk when I was young. Younger:) Apparently, baby skunks cannot spray, and you can take them to the bet and have their smelly-making-parts removed and they make wonderful pets!
My Dad really wanted one. Alas, we never came across one.
I’m just letting you know this because I know how much you want a pet and have been searching for the perfect one:)
P.S. Caleb’s Dad has “removed” skunks from their homes before, because he happens to be a very good aim.
bet? *vet
Oh. No. I would be driving to the police station and dragging them back with me. That is going to be nasty. Sorry. ;(
Hm. Maybe . . . stock up on tomato juice?
For what it’s worth, we had a little kitty show up inside our house last weekend. I have no idea how it got there, but I think angels were involved.
I am a little concerned about your angels.