Why am I so easily satisfied with my own efforts, and so little satisfied with anyone else’s?
I am tough on my kids. They are bright, capable, competent people. And I’m maybe a little demanding. I’m letting that slide, just a little, these days. I don’t want to live forever in their memories as the mom who was never pleased. (Because I’m not that mom – just to clarify – but sometimes I channel her.) I have determined to let a few things go.
Like, say, penmanship. I have a couple of kids with atrocious handwriting. Seriously. But they CAN write neatly. I’ve seen it. Their teachers have seen it. They just don’t choose it. So I pick at it a little, “Can’t quite tell what that’s supposed to say, want to try it again?” To which, they naturally respond, “No.” And lately? I’ve realized that the world doesn’t spin on my kids’ handwriting. (Besides, the other two were pretty much just like this, and they got over it on their own.)
Like, say, musical practicing. One of mine is a singer/actor (“actress” is for divas) and the other three play instruments. One is pretty talented at it, the others are in the discovery stage. But I assume, because their school skills are above grade level, that their musical skills should be above average. After all, what is learning to play the piano but dedication and application? (Says the girl who doesn’t play the piano, obviously.) I’m getting past the need for them to impress anyone with their musical skills. I want (need) them to have those skills, but I no longer (this week) need them to Shine at it. They must practice. Five days a week. No excuses (except for legitimate sickness, because nobody wants to clean vomit out of a keyboard). But I’m fine if their teacher wants to get a little frustrated with them (if, for instance, they’re still playing the same song for sixteen lessons in a row). I’m just trying not to be the frustrated one. Because learning an instrument is a skill, and whether you have a natural aptitude for it or not must make a difference. But we can learn the skill, right? (Right? Dedication and application? Right?)
But somehow I’m not so tough on me. I can be pretty satisfied with my bare minimum effort. If my thousand words a day are done in an hour, I’m not too eager to stay another hour at the computer just to see what else I can accomplish. If I wander around picking laundry items off various bathroom floors, I’m pretty sure I’ve exercised for the day. If I make family devotional happen, I’m good for the day’s study.
Why is that?
Why am I tough on everyone but me? Me, the only one I can actually change? And what kind of example do I set for these precious little (and not-so-little) people by being mediocre?
(12) Comments for this blog
I would never presume to answer for you, Becca. But for me, I find that when I am on top of my own game, when I’m really doing my best and not harboring any internal annoyance over my own slothfulness, I’m far more patient with my family. Somehow, I see them through the same filter through which I’m seeing myself.
It’s usually when I’m bugged with me that I’m bugged with everyone else.
I would never presume to answer for you, Becca. But for me, I find that when I am on top of my own game, when I’m really doing my best and not harboring any internal annoyance over my own slothfulness, I’m far more patient with my family. Somehow, I see them through the same filter through which I’m seeing myself.
It’s usually when I’m bugged with me that I’m bugged with everyone else.
Ditto what Denae said. I really am learning that our actions are our example to our kids.
Ditto what Denae said. I really am learning that our actions are our example to our kids.
Thank you for this post, Becca – it’s making me think.
Thank you for this post, Becca – it’s making me think.
I second DeNae’s motion. I know I often focus on things outside of myself when I just don’t want to face…myself. Thought-provoking post, Becca. I love how you’re pulling yourself up short and trying to figure this out. It’s all part of that striving for, not perfect, per se, but something “better” than what we are now. You rock.
I second DeNae’s motion. I know I often focus on things outside of myself when I just don’t want to face…myself. Thought-provoking post, Becca. I love how you’re pulling yourself up short and trying to figure this out. It’s all part of that striving for, not perfect, per se, but something “better” than what we are now. You rock.
I think it has to do with being a mom. I’m hard on my kids, because I want whats best for them.
I think it has to do with being a mom. I’m hard on my kids, because I want whats best for them.
Oh, man. I so relate. But I think DeNae kind of nailed it.
Oh, man. I so relate. But I think DeNae kind of nailed it.