Benefit of the Doubt

I always feel better when I give the benefit of the doubt. Whether I’m assuming that someone didn’t mean offense when offense is in the air, or that kids will be honest when given a chance to be, it always feels better to assume the best about people. So why, so often, do I not choose it?

I’m finding that I get disappointed (a lot) when I expect something of someone and they don’t deliver. When I make a request and its not honored. When I presume someone will behave a certain way and they choose not to.

I need to get right over that, but there’s my little dilemma. I’d rather expect good things, but when I go ahead and expect them, I find myself staggering around under the weight of disappointment. Sometimes I can pretend that I don’t mind, but other times it presses on me until I kind of explode.

Maybe it’s harder to bear it these days because I’m so rarely alone. I don’t have cool-down time. I don’t get to stand in a quiet place and breathe through disappointments. Maybe it’s harder because I have to ask so many people to do so many things. And so if I require something of my students, and a majority of them do it, it’s so great – but there are more than 200 of them, so the chances are good that DOZENS of them didn’t do what they were supposed to. And I haven’t figured out how to not take it personally. Because it’s still always personal.

__Side Note__ One of the things I say over and over to a couple of my classes is, “I will not chase you down and force you to pass this class.” But know what? I totally do. I chase them down. I hand them extra chances to retake tests and prove their mastery of materials. I allow all the make-up. Sometimes I even offer extra credit. I am spineless, and I want them to pass. And succeed. And not show up here again in this class next year. __End Side Note__

Another reason that maybe it’s hard to handle this kind of disappointment is that I am not used to it. When my husband says he’s going to do something, he does it. When I ask my kids to help with something, they help with it. It’s an integrity thing that is kind of formative in our house. And I do have a tendency to think that the way we do things is the way things should be done. Alas.

So I will carry on. I will continue to have expectations. And state them. Over and over, if necessary. And give credit to those who do the things. And work to not bear the burdens of those who can’t be bothered. Because there are plenty of different burdens I’d rather bear – burdens of sadness and heartache and loneliness. Burdens not of laziness but of LIFE. And to give the benefit of the doubt when things occasionally go awry (as things always, always tend to do).